You're so nebulous sometimes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
