I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
