Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize