Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Send help, water and tortillas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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