im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
no you cant smoke seaweed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
