You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
