Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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