nut hugger
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
