Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
