I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
