Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
