ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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