Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
