this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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