Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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