Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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