dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
