There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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