I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
