you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
