One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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