You really coming over, don't trick.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
