What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
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I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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