I will die if light touches me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
