tonight lets celebrate not being married
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
