I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
