Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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