You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are we still banned from the library?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize