WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want nice things and good sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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