anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
