I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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