A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
