In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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