Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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