Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
