Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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