i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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