your room smells of hookers.
And success
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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