Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
