Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
