And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
