Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize