You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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