i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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