Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
