when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
