shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
