Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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