i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
