I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
