**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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