I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
