Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
