apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
