She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my liver is dry heaving
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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