Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
