Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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