i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
