Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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