Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
