I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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