Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
