i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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