I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
