Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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