I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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