i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
