He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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